Oh What a Day (cont'd)

Damn. ok that shouldnt' have happened.So where was I..oh yeah KABOOM.So I'm in the office..with everyone from my department, including my boss. Then the floor calls down freakin cuz they can't find me and there's only 2 girls on the floor..yet 2 nurses..so um? where's the problem? SO. Patty says don't worry just get up there when you get up there. yes we get a 30 min break..but I end up doing all my paperwork on my time..which is not fair so it turns into an hour most the time. Just enuff time to eat something (need energy to chase them old ppl damnit), smoke a quick butt, and do a few resident sheets. So whatever I started to go and I must have said something under my breath...and Patty says I wear my emotions like a mask..you can tell if I'm upset or pissed or whatevers..(bad trait me thinks) So we got to talking and I explained that the charge nurses are constantly up my ass, asking me where I'm going, what I'm doing...what I'm gonna go do ..etc etc. So she's like Kris..if you're not happy here...maybe you need to leave? EEEK so with that i leave and go upstairs..how messed up in my head was i? All i was thinking was..omg she wants to fire me? or wants me to leave? So i go upstairs and start passin trays..my mind weighed down heavy. Patty is up 10 minutes later and says Kris we need to talk. Double Eek Gads Even! So i start thinkin..She's going to fire my ass...i'm gettin da boot (not to mention this morning i had to go to the "inner office" and talk to the administrator..but that's a whole other pile of beans..). So we go off the floor..she basically just whisked me away..would have been a blessing really had it not been under these circumstances.So okWe go to the couches off the unit and she says Kris as much as i love you and as much as you are such a great worker and i would hate to see you go, you have to take care of you. She continued to say that she was so worried about me cuz i just wasn't happy. She also said you shouldn't feel shitty everytime you come into work. It should be fun...I haven't been having fun at work in months...and I just went off started from a and progressed to z...told her everything that was bothering me..how i was stuck and just getting deeper into a hole..told her how they treat me, how they do things that they don't do to Brenda (my coworker). So sad that they indeed do take advantage of me because how i feel bout my residents and my age. Patty also said that this place will suck you dry if you let them. How scary is that? How true tho...So yes..for like the 3rd time in 4 months i have cried in front of my boss I don't know how i feel about that...shows weakness no? or maybe more like it shows that I can't handle it? but I can..it's just hard to do something when you're not supported...or feeling like your supported. I just can't get it. Then she says Kris you need to be happy...you need to do what's right for you not everyone else...HOW DO I STOP THAT THO???god...(ouch mike you just called me a bitch??? DAMN YOU! LoL) She also said it's not healthy...but the MOST amazing thing..the one thing that brought me back to ground was her saying this simple yet amazingly true statement. "Your floor is by far the most difficult. Not many ppl can do it nor hang in as long as you have already. I for one could not do that 40 hours a week" Damn. Damn. Do you see my problem? Who's gonna do it if i do decide to leave?But we also talked about the fact that if I were to leave, I would never get the amount of money I get there...which is not a good thing...probally the one thing that i hold onto for the most. Not cuz i'm greedy..cuz by far i'm the least greedy person I know..but because of the bills i've racked up since relying on that paycheck. The car, tuition, insurance, rent, creditcard, etc etc etc. I've never had money before this is something I'm kinda liking..makes sense tho no? aaaaaahhhhhhhhh well I think I'm gonna make up a resume this weekend..see where that leads me...Anyone out there know how to make one?? LoL eeek this outta be fun.Peace....